The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1776, working on the constitution. It had been a long day.

Father1: Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?

Father2: Shall I open the window?

Father1: No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves.

Father2: Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the constitution?

Father1: What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves while at work?

Father2: Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about "Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?"

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out.

John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jessica replied, "Only when he's drunk."

Pasangan silang, suami Indo,.....Indonesia, isteri bule, jalan-jalan di Pasar Loak, keasyikan dengan hobi masing-masing mereka terpencar.

"Mam, ...mam", kata si Suami ketika bertemu kembali dengan isterinya. "Ada pacul bagus, lima puluh ribu", tambah si Suami.

"Lima puluh ribu ?, pacul apaan itu?", tanya si Isteri. "Pacul beneran, cap Mata bikinan Jerman", jelas si Suami. "Bisa dipakai buat ngebon", tambahnya. "OK,..." kata si Isteri sambil mengeluarkan koceknya. Si Suami lari-lari senang. Si Isteri "dolan" lagi.

Disuatu jongko dia melihat Cempor antik, tapi harganya seratus ribu. "Mahal sekali", pikirnya. "Suami cuman belanja limapuluh ribu, masya aku double", katanya dalam hati. "Tapi aku kepingin sekali", pikirnya lagi. "Bang,...bang coba liat cempornya", katanya pada Abang penjual.

"Cempor antik tiada duanya, cuman seratus ribu saja", kata si Penjual beriklan. "Bang,....saya bayar seharga itu, tapi tolong bikin kwitansinya limapuluh ribu", katanya tanpa menawar. "Oh, tak soal, bisa diatur", kata Penjual sambil tersenyum. "Tadi juga ada lelaki Melayu beli Pacul seharga limaribu, minta kwintansi lima puluh ribu !"

One night, a father overheard his son
saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy,
Daddy, and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
The father thought this was strange,
but soon forgot about it. The next
day, the Grandfather died.
About a month or so later, the father
again overheard his son's
prayers, "God bless Mommy and Daddy.
Goodbye Grammy." The next day, the
Grandmother died. The father began to
worry about the situation.

Two weeks later, the father again
heard his son praying, "God bless
Mommy. Goodbye Daddy." This alone
nearly gave the father a heart attack.
The next morning, without saying
anything, he got up early and went to
work. He stayed in his office all day.
Finally, after midnight, he went home.
He was still alive! He crawled into
bed with his wife and apologized. "I'm
sorry honey, I had a really bad day."

"You had a bad day?" his wife
yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on
the porch this morning!"

.......whatta ??....... hihihi

An ambulance pulls up at the hospital and a hippie is wheelled into the casuality ward. his mate sjump out and questioned by the doctor.

" What was he on ? " the doctor asks.

" Acid ?? "

" sort of, " says one of his mates.

" We run out of gear, so I went around to my girlfriend's house and raided her cupboard for a spliff.

" I see " said the doctor. " What type of gear was in it ??"

" Ugh.. I didn;t have any gear, so I got into her spice rack," say the student. " It was a mix of cummin, turmeric and a bit of garam marsala "

" Ahhh... that explains it then..." says the doctor, looking at them gravely.

" I'm afraid to have to tell you - but your friend is in korma "

:D

Medical Chart Notes

1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. She is numb from her toes down.

15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

TYPES OF FARTS :-)

ASS BLASTER FART: Like an M80 exploding in your butt!.

THE ATOM BOMB FART: The atom bomb fart is loud as heck, and it smells bad too. Also results in a big explosion, and everyone falls to the ground.

BANANA FART: A roughly silent fart that squeaks out an oderous gas that smells like a rotten smelly old banana.

BEAR FART (aka NIGHTMARE ON SMELL STREET): The kind of fart that will wake you up at night because it smells so bad! They can be either silent or noisy: But they are the stinkiest farts imagineable! "Only a bear could produce a smell that rotten"

BURP 'N' FART: It's when you burp and fart at the same time -but it dosn't happen often.

BUTT ROCKET FART: This scary but predictable fart is provoked by eating large quantities of fast food at one sitting. It doesn't make any appreciable noise until it is just about through. It is similar to the worrying fart inasmuch as the necessity to check your shorts for a stain is imminent. The smell is similar to that of a small child you just picked up and discovered that they poo pood in their pants an hour or two earlier.

DELAYED REACTION FART: You have the urge, but it goes away. You go on about your business and a few seconds, or longer, later, 'BBRRMMPHH'....

EGGY FART: Smells very much like rotten eggs. A powerful odour which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

EXPLODING MOUSE FART: While trying to hold it in, some gas gets out making a squeak noise, and since relieving yourself a little bit felt so good, you let the rest out in a huge BRAP! Resulting in the exploding mouse effect...

INDEPENDANCE DAY FART: Such an explosive whopper that it sends everyone screaming out of the city centre.

LIQUID FART: It happens when the fart comes out in such a form that it feels like some sort of diarrhea -even if it isn't.

THE NEVER ENDING FART: This is the fart that doesn't end... Yes it goes on and on my friends... someone started it, not knowing what it was And he'll continue farting it, forever just because..

ONE CHEEK SNEAK FART: This fart happens when you put your weight on one butt cheek and lift the other up. This is totally silent but often have disasterous results about two minutes later -everyone faints in that room.

PULL MY FINGER FART: You ask some one to pull your finger when you feel a big gassy fart come. After they pull your finger, you fart in their face!

SILENT BUT DEADLY (SBD) FART: The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odour.

UNDERWATER FART: Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and experienced windbreakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them. A few others have refered to these rare creatures, so proving their existance. Somehow 'The dog did it' just doesn't cut the mustard.